Photographers From Hell

Last year, a devastated couple took a photographer to court to get their money back. Their big day was ruined when the photographer turned up late. She left them with just 15 'rubbish' pictures of their reception but plenty 'quality' selfies.  After arriving late, she spent more time taking pictures of herself at their reception than of the happy newlyweds.

The bride's dress was torn and muddy after the photographer made her plod through puddles. The photographer said she was happy with her shots. The couple won their appeal for a refund and the photographer was described as the 'wedding photographer from hell'. 

Some photographers are truly from the realm of hell. You can tell this photographer is completely in his element when he takes the pictures. He unleashes a repertoire of silly moves or stunts. Makes the couple climb trees, traipse through puddles, and perform a couple of hilarious acrobatic moves. Some of these stunts kick-start domestic violence in many relationships. The genie gets out of the bottle, disguised as romantic photo poses, and it can't be put back.

"Madam, jump on his back and hold his neck like you want to strangle him."

This 'madam' is no featherweight, but she ignores this fact. She jumps on her partner's back and places him in a World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) submission choke hold. His eyes bulge like those of a frog. He's only seconds away from passing out as he takes a staggering step. He realizes, albeit too late, that this was a huge mistake. Her weight flattens him against the ground and his life flashes before his eyes. 

After the photo shoot, madam goes back to this submission move whenever things don't go her way. No surprise he files for divorce. He's not yet ready for the trip to the great beyond. Domestic violence is cited as reason for the separation.

Red flags of domestic violence (husband or wife battering) usually appear fairly early on in a relationship. Most times, you can simply go back to the engagement or wedding pictures to see where it all began. A silly stunt suggested by a photographer from hell. 

The Garden of Eden

The Garden of Eden

Once upon a time, in the distant land of Eden, a woman preened as she admired her comely  reflection in the clear stream. She pushed back her hair and smiled. She turned her beautiful neck this way and that, wondering why Adam rarely paid her compliments. She was vain. It was a good thing she didn't drown in self-admiration. 

 

Stan watched her. It was many moons before the invention of the cell phone, but he had his ways. It was no surprise that he had an iPhone 8s in his hand. 

 

"You look adorable, Eve. Come, let me take your picture," he said to her. Eve, who never got tired of compliments, fished for more by asking him if he was sure. He assured her she looked smashing.  

"What's a picture?" 

"It is an image of you. I'm able to capture your beautiful image using this device in my hand. Strike a pose by that tree of the knowledge of good and evil."

"Oh no! I couldn't do that. We were warned not to touch the tree. God will slay us." Stan laughed. 

"That's an urban legend. An old wives' tale. The only person slaying here today is you. You're  the Slay Queen of Eden." 

"What's an urban legend? What's an old wives' tale? I'm not old."

"Never mind that." Stan showed her some pictures of her. He took them while she was admiring her reflection in the little stream. Eve was impressed with the quality of the images. She was secretly glad there were no other women around to compete or mute her shine. 

 

"Now, bite into one of the fruits. Put a flower crown around your head and make a duck face." Eve was a natural when it came to striking poses. She  not only blazed on the Eden green carpet with her performance, but also delivered an unforgettable show. It was a performance that would inspire generations of women to come. She thoroughly enjoyed the photo session. A pity she couldn't post the pictures on Instagram. It hadn't been created. 

"I look hot," she said as she took a selfie with duck lips. Thus began the selfie-culture. 

"You're certainly in hot water," mumbled Stan.