We are three weeks already into 2023, can you believe it? I wanted to get some things off the old chest with a quick recap of the eventful year 2022.
On your marks, get set,
slap!
2022 began with a resounding
slap.
Except you were living under a
rock, you’d recall that Chris Rock made a joke on stage at the Oscars. It was
about the shaved head of Jada Pinkett Smith — who has alopecia. Smith slapped Rock for
the jab at his wife. The infamous smack sparked public outrage — but Rock
remained noticeably and inexplicably quiet.
Has anyone ever threatened to
slap you into next week? Don’t always consider it a bluff as they could carry
out this threat.
What people didn’t realize was
that Will Smith👋 tore
open a portal in time and flung Rock into the future with that smack. The slap
sent Rock’s essence into 2023 where he’s still kind of processing what
happened.
“I had like a whole show I wrote
before this weekend. I’m still kinda processing what happened. So at some
point, I’ll talk about that s–.” - Chris Rock.
I’m so glad we all got to meet
Rock and his essence again in 2023.
Kanye West—also known as “Ye”
had an interesting Year. See what I did there? Ye and YEar? You probably couldn’t
care. Anyway, his village people found his remote control. Ye spouted anti-Semitic
comments and conspiracy theories, criticized Black Lives Matter, ended business
and personal relationships and was blocked on social media platforms. He faced
widespread backlash and disavowal by industry peers.
Before Adidas cut ties with
West, Forbes estimated he’s worth around $2 billion. West got the voodoo
arrow from his village people and lost the Adidas deal. It’s now estimated
that he is worth “only” $400 million.
A “cousin”
of the Omicron variant of COVID-19 known as “Kraken” showed up in 2022. We were already stressed out
and fatigued by his other relatives in the ever-growing variant soup. When
Kraken was told we had no seat left at the dining table for him, he told us not
to worry because he brought his own stool. Originating in Scandinavian folklore,
the kraken is usually depicted as an aggressive cephalopod-like creature. It
feeds on unlucky prey and is capable of destroying entire ships and dragging
sailors to their doom. The Kraken is perhaps the largest monster ever imagined
by mankind.
The variant has quickly risen to
dominance. Experts say it is more contagious than many of its
predecessors.
Queen Elizabeth II died at
Balmoral Castle in Scotland on 8 September. Legend has it that the Queen was
4.6 billion years old making her the oldest human and longest-ever reigning
monarch. In a solemn, esoteric and mystical operation, known as London Bridge,
the Queen was succeeded by her eldest son, King Charles III. A change of system
administrator but same operating system.
On 15 November 2022, the world
surpassed 8 billion people. Here’s a fun fact: more boys than girls are born
worldwide (for every 100 girls born, there are nearly 106 boys), but women live
longer than men almost everywhere in the world. Make of that what you
will.
The wind of ownership shifted at
Twittersphere as Elon Musk took over the reins and also became the main
character on Twitter. There’s a school of thought that opines this could be the
beginning of new beginnings. Another school of thought claims this is the
beginning of the end of Twitter. My take is that you shine your eyes with the
way Musk is changing things.
Russia invaded Ukraine in a
"special military operation". The initial US assessment from before
the invasion anticipated that the Ukrainian capital would be overrun within one
to four days of a Russian attack. Unknown to the Russians and Americans, Ukrainians
are like garri or eba. They swell as you pound or shell them. Swelling like eba
as the volume of water increases, the absorption power of the Ukrainians came
as a surprise. Ukrainians have a high starch component when placed in hot
water. And so they rose or swelled to the occasion.
